The Sarah Connor effect

The poodle look was cool in the 80s

In May 1984 a ditzy Los Angeles woman discovered some key facts regarding her future, her sons future and the rest of the human race.
A military software programme called Skynet will become self-aware in August 1997 and will destroy the world via nuclear missiles then via Austrian body building T-800 robots; her son will be the leader of the human resistance and hold the fate of the future of the human race.

Thus by 1991 she turned into a bad-ass educator to her son

I’m so tough I can kill dinosaurs

Present Day: Millions of ditzy youth are discovering some key facts regarding their future, their children’s future , the rest of the human race and not forgetting all the other animals and plants. it is of course (DRUM ROLL) Climate Change.

*

Now - I’m not saying the future, will be totally apocalyptic with people killing each other for survival, extreme daily storms and few opportunities for food.

It can be that people really bond together as communities, share skills, help each other, have clean energy systems which gives them enough energy day-by-day.
It can be that that all the communities food is grown locally and everyone has they own little gardens. chocolate and bananas could still appear in the shops – however they would turn up in the UK via huge ships that use solar and wind power.
Multi-million enterprises could still make the world go round, but every single detail is sustainable thought out. The internet can still be running and at a faster rate then today – with the ability to make people feel like they have travelled the world without leaving their country.
If not, holidays won’t involve a quick flight, but a journey lasting weeks – made of many different forms of sustainable travel.

Our future can be all of that and more, but we don’t have forever. In fact we have a very short time and we need to follow in Sarah Connors footsteps.

So some parents may want to teach their kids on how to use an AK-47 and flip knives.

Things which will be more useful =
How to live of the land (growing your own food as well as going all Ray Mears)
living sustainable, keeping all your energy needs in top condition, how to achieve a really small carbon footprint, that community really matters, solidarity, ethical living
Etc….

If we want our children to have a good life, we have to make sure they realise, there is more to life then Justin Bieber and we can make them live differently to us, better then us. We just have to turn a little bit bad-ass

Valentine’s movies for singles

So its that time of year again…

Couples go all googly-eyed for each other & single people state 

‘I don’t care about a totally consumer orientated fake holiday, produced by card manufactures; because life is so much more then giving a card to someone and anyways even if I was going out with someone I would make sure that we never-ever celebrated the holiday, because like I said its fake’

However that night, they will be trying their best not to sing along to Celine Dion’s All by myself

Therefore the best movies to stop this from happening have to

A) Have a happy-ish bittersweet ending. As a movie which ends in world destruction
    isn’t going to make you feel any better when it finishes. (Dr Strangelove)
B) Still have a love theme, after all it is Valentines day..
C) But end in no couple getting together or hinting that they will live happily ever-after.
    Ruling out movies like Die Hard*, Pretty Woman, Most Disney films & Star Wars

Stand By Me

The greatest bromance film ever as they don’t even mention girls.
They just go on an adventure, prat about like boys do and grow closer as friends not lovers.
See the big V doesn't have to be all about kisses.  x x

Precious

So there is this girl who is illiterate, pregnant (again) due to her father, abused by her mum and bullied - this film followers her life.
It is the most depressing sounding but most uplifting film around.
Giving you that warm ‘Thank funk, I’m not her’ kind of feeling.

Before Sunrise

It is a romance film, but one we all aspire to and wish would happen to us.
A guy meets a girl on a train. He is then stuck in the city of Vienna for the night and asks her if she would like to just hang out with him.
You see the chemistry between them and being single you can easily think – one day that will happen to me.

Before Sunset

How many romantic films have sequels involving the originally cast? 
Hardly any due to that ‘walking into the sunset’ conundrum. 
This however is one and it is just as perfect & suitable for the modern-day singleton.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

This film, is for the newly single person who has felt their heart pulled out of their chest by a forklift truck, or felt it slowly decay as their perfect relationship crumbled.
It is a film that can give you a new perspective on life, which is very rare….

In Search of a Midnight Kiss

This movie focus’s on that other single, funk-the-world moment.
The strike of midnight on New Years night.
It works due to the fact, it gives you something to look forward to…..Maybe within 10 months you won’t be the single nit-wit you are now.
 
- Any Documentary focusing on issues
Your unhappy
you may be thinking Funk the world
So why not put that angry to good use, watch a documentary like Bowling for Columbine, The Cove & Food, inc.
Then go out fighting!!!!

 * Yes they split up in future sequels, but this is about movies standing alone. 

Revolution Rebel

I have just now gone through some old Word Docs. upon my laptop and found some interesting bullet points.

Whether I was drunk and had a remarkable brainwave or (and this is most likely the case) found a link and these bullet points resonated with me I decided to copy them for future reference who knows!

Note: If you yourself are the original scribe of the following bullet points – thank you & please tell me who the f**k you are.

• Always experiment
• When authorities start the gun, just keep running as fast as you can
• Eyeballs rule - if people notice what you doing, like it, comment on it - why stop?
• When achieve the goal, turn nice. sweet talk them, - they are now allies
• Keep asking, keep rephrasing until they can say yes
• When you get the microphone make sure your point is very clear
• Get standing - if its clearly wrong stand up
• Look for over-reaching, something that's nuts

As you can tell, these points are all about creating change – good or bad.

and as Lady Galadriel states “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future”

– So please use these points as you see fit…….unless your BNP or Palin

Best of 2010

Around the globe, the nerds, “The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads” have procrastinated and made the kind of viral links that will tickle anybody’s funny bone.

Thus here are the links of 2010, you should look at, ponder at and laugh about.

• So this year saw the chocolate sweet giant, Cadbury’s got took over by the bigger chocolate giant Kraft. If only it merged with Nestle……
• HA------------choo!
  

• XKCD: A great web-comic, that is all about romance, sarcasm, math and language.
• Logorama: The winner of 2010 Short Animation Film Oscar, is all about a freaky world that is based around logo’s. Ronald McDonald is a freak and the Hairbo kid is a little shit.
• Scarface School Play: Why have parents decided to make kids act out a film with 399 swear words? Fudge knows

• Nerd audition: This below nerd and virgin made an audition tape to some sort of crap TV show; he took it of the internet and someone put it together again and back on the internet. Thus starts the chain reaction, of the nerd becoming the evil genius his, voice deserves.

• Tucker & Dale: This movie, is yet to reach the UK. but by this trailer you can definitely state its a better comedy horror then Scary Movie.
• There was this thing called the Football World Cup this summer, it was shit. but this song is good.
  
• Urinal or ???: Silly Red Neck
• Want to feel all loved up and feel like the world is full of amazing chances, watch this & this
• STAR WARS: There are always cool Star Wars link here is Pixar-Star Wars, Darth Vadar Tom-Tom, Chewy fighting Nazi's whilst riding on the back of a squirrel
• The greatest Irish martial art movie EVER!!!

• Scary cows…..scary cows

• If this is true, we can time travel to star in Charlie Chaplin movies
• Hide your kids, hide you wife: if you haven't seen this news video or its remix then you are truly out-of-tune.
• 27bslash6: is the most funny, annoying twat out there. Here is his how he can piss off a cat lover
• Lol

• Sesame Street have done a number of quite impressive skits this year. Here is Grover doing the Old Spice commercial
• Whilst somewhere in Japan a cute baby monkey rides a Piglet Boar backwards
• and here is 50 viral images of 2010
• This is the latest fashion statement in the UK and apparently…

• The cutest Robocop EVER!
• Everyone knows about the Double Rainbow guy – but how about, him remixed with Kermit or Disney actually doing a good viral based on him for their movie Tangled
• Did you know PEOPLE ARE AWESOME
• Next to the Scott Pilgrim remixes this Look Around You remix is the bomb

• QUICK behind you!
• Harrogates newspaper really is a never ending ball of excitement.
• Spotted on a bus in Sheppard's Bush – oh..oh

Me, The Rebel

Its been a few days since I was kettled within Parliament Square – and I should really write down all my thoughts on the day and other issues, instead of being the lazy, post-ideological youth that adults expect me to be.

I could go on about how kettling created violence, how a small majority of the thousand or youth there caused criminal damage. That 90% of the fires were started for the purpose of keeping us warm. That whenever someone starting running others would join in, without even knowing WTF was happening, that even a few student-on-student fights broke out and that some parents where they with their kids (age 10 & upwards)

But I won’t because you have seen the news, you have read other reports about the day & it will be pointless to repeat.
Instead I want to go on about why you should give a toss.

I can see why, some people agree with the governments measures – over half of our MP’s also agree that youth could pay up to £9,000 up front fees due to university cuts, that are happening due to the financial crises.

What I don’t see is

• Why Vodafone and the owner of many a high-street chain Philip Green can get away without paying taxes of £6bn & £285m
• Why the UK banks can’t have a tiny amount of fair tax added to their system of work - which could generate £20bn and still give them bonuses.
• Why the first major casualties, regarding the financial crisis and government measures to bring us out of ‘debt’ are youth. people who haven't even had the chance to create money or create a crisis 

So you may think ‘why should I pay for these youth to have cheap education’ or any other dribble you see as a good excuse to not caring.
but -

If the mega-rich who caused this crisis paid the same level of tax as you and me, we wouldn't have a deficit.

Doesn't that make perfect sense?

So now I could go on, about how all of these issues are inter-connected or how climate change could also be a further complication to this mess or that job cuts aren't the answer to getting us out of ‘debt’ but creating jobs is
instead I am going to list links which, you should check out.
links which lead to more information or actions that you can partake in

http://ukuncut.org.uk
http://robinhoodtax.org
http://ukycc.org

“The Sound Of Music” & Why It Scares The Funk Out Of Me

I’ve watched Eraserhead, The Exorcist, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and countless other films that by there originally description can be seen to freak and scare people witless. However for me, a hit Rodger & Hammerstein musical involving a nun, a lovely family and beautiful mountain scenery is the one that sends shivers down my spine – Till this day, I have only seen it once. (Note:  At the time of viewing I was sober; not drunk or on some hallucinating drugs. In addition to create this blog, I could only read the script)   

• The beginning starts like The Shining – camera panning over mountain scenery – What happened within the Kubrick film? a flipping bleeding elevator!
• The nuns act like Maria, is a mental nut – just because she always likes going outside & singing! They seem to have a totalitarian 1984 look on the world
• Von Trapp family. TRAP. Clue is in the name – just like Damien in The Omen, Dr Evil, Scrooge etc.. 
• The children had 12 governesses , before Maria (think Damien from The Omen X 7* killing everyone of them 
• All the kids are in age/height order! That is too precise – Did the Nazi's & their genetic experiments start before the war with the Von Trapp’s?     Note the blond hair, blue eyes of some of the kids.
• German names – OK Austrian, but they still sound evil.
• Captain Trapp bounds about, sticking to orders & running by the book.       In comparison Maria is a hippy. I’m sure at the time this was made (1963) America did not like hippies or communists.
• ‘My Favourite Things’ – is sung during a thunder & lighting storm…..think satanic verses
• ‘Do-Re-Mi’ - More like a spell for a potion, just like those 3 witches in Macbeth.
• By the time the Captain returns from somewhere– The children are happy to wear lederhosen made out of flowery curtains???                                  No child can be that happy, wearing Lederhosen! What has Maria done? Cast them under a spell using both of those previous songs -  Which were led by her & have the children join in by second chorus, boosting the satanic verse and spells magical properties.
• ‘So long Farewell’ – Sounds like a pre-emptive firing squad song before they FIRE.
• The way Maria talks about being in love with Captain is more like she is being hypnotised into loving him “I could hardly breathe. -Did you let him see your feelings? -I don't know. That's what's torturing me. I was on God's errand.”

This video agrees with my theory that something creepy is going on

 

Now I know musical’s have impromptu signing and dancing. But each song here is used as a form of escapism to such a far extent from Nazi's or feelings. That how can it be right? Its like stating, that we could of kept the Nazi’s from taking over Europe if we just sang songs. I bet the Von Trapp’s in the sequel, would reprise ‘My Favourite Things’ whilst bombs were dropping – and little Brigitta Von Trapp laid on the floor with her guts hanging out.

They just can’t sing until it goes away – & thus that is why it freaks me out.

* Though yes, in The Omen his nanny is a servant of the Devil – However could/does Maria fulfil the same role?

Breakfast Machines

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, it boosts our energy, fills us full of fibre and gets us ready to battle evil ex’s and stuff.

However it is a bloody pain – your tried, groggy and putting bread in the toaster or even getting round to frying an egg just seems far too much effort.

So below is a selection of the greatest ever machines that can create breakfast for you.

’Pee Wee’s Big Adventure’ is Tim Burton’s first full length movie and is so weird that Mr T cereal seems the most rational thing in the whole movie. 

Ahh ‘Honey, I Blew Up The Kid’ I’m sure most wives would say ‘I think its best for the kids if I divorce you’ after the first film, here however she stays with him and guess what they only go and blow up the kid, still at least the toast isn't burnt.

Wallace is the greatest inventor of our time, he doesn't even have to burn off calories dressing himself in the morning. Still his breakfast machine has issues 1) Criminal penguins 2) The fact that having a side-kick dog who understand machinery is hard to come by these days.

My vision of purgatory is one in which everyday at breakfast, your dad is all chirpy and before you even sit on the steps with him he has planned a song about togetherness, being together forever and ever and ever and ever – which cunningly always finishes as soon as his breakfast is ready; us kids just get stale bread – swine.

Then there is the ‘Back To The Future’ Doc Brown Breakfast Machine is one that goes totally wrong - burning toast, exploding eggs and the dog food missing Einstein's bowl. It is so wrong you can’t even find it on YouTube just in case others try and recreate it.

Each of these machines is called a ‘Rube Goldberg machine’, a machine that over complicates a simple everyday task.

You may of noted that most of the above examples involved a mad inventor character  - well yes mad scientist do need a machine to make breakfast.

In reality however it was the film directors that wanted/needed the breakfast machine; what with them doing most of the work (cough* getting the credit; cough*) they saw it as a valuable commodity towards finishing the film.

I leave you with Family Guy Peter’s attempt; whilst I start to plan my breakfast machine